How To Be Good at Small Talk

Spoiler Alert: It’s Not About You

Photo by HIVAN ARVIZU @soyhivan on Unsplash

We’ve all experienced it; you’re at a party/gathering/function with a bunch of new people or casual acquaintances and you find yourself face to face with someone. After the pleasantries, “Hey, how are you?” “I’m great, thanks!”, the conversation stalls and you’re now awkwardly smiling at each other and hoping that maybe the wall will open up and you can just scoot away.

You have two choices in this situation:

1. Bid a quick good-bye, citing some need; “Oh, excuse me, I just need to check on the kids” *wave phone for emphasis* or “ Well, I need to top this off” and head to the bar/bathroom/dark corner.

OR

2. Engage in further conversation, #smalltalk.

For some people, this choice is a natural one, myself included. I was the kid who could “talk to a brick wall” and my “gift of gab” was always noted on report cards, in parent-teacher meetings and among friendly family banter. As an adult I haven’t lost the ability and also, thanks to person centered career choices and an active social circle, I’ve gotten pretty good at making small talk feel less cringe-y and more engaging.

The #1 rule when things get quiet and awkward? Make it about them.